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How To Fail Your Sales.

December 22, 2008

call hell

Here’s a note to all call centers in the world. Close down. Now.

Now before people start pissing in my ear about how the poor basic wage earners are not responsible for the annoying phenomenon of ringing me at ten o’clock on a Sunday evening it’s important to make the distinction between when an employee takes initiative and starts insulting me because I don’t want to answer and the big nasty multi-nationals who are the puppet masters behind all of this.

Calling people to ask them their opinion, to offer them free stuff, to give them the opportunity to participate in some fabulous scheme, etc. all amounts to trying to sell something. Now, as half-intelligent people who read any of the common sense articles which are freely available on the net knows, you should be asking my permission to enter into a conversation to then have the possibility of selling me something.

This process is the foundation of any relationship and a relationship which has cash tacked on the end of the deal is no different. Au contraire it’s even more important to understand the basics of permission marketing. Call centers are fundamentally flawed creatures which have the birth defect of thinking that bombarding random people with inane questions and offers amounts to a sales technique.

So, as I said if you are the puppet master of one of these retarded organisations just close the doors, unplug the phones and start to use your brains a little for God’s sake.

Now for the guy who rang me last night…

No, it’s not normal to ring me at home.
No, it’s not polite to ring me at 10pm on a Sunday evening.
No, I don’t care about any product you could possibly have by ringing me at home late on Sunday night.
No, I don’t care about your company either.
No, you are trying to get me to give you a service by answering your dumb ass questions.
No, if you feel rubbed the wrong way because I don’t want to talk to a total stranger on a Sunday night and you start yelling at me you won’t actually succeed in selling me anything at all.
And finally no, you are not in marketing. You are not even in sales really. You are the end of the food chain which is trying to recuperate a few calories from the unsuspecting, the wounded or the dead.

Like I said. Put yourselves and me out of our collective miseries and call it a day.

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